In my quest to find the perfect mate, I often ended up dating or attracting people who were completely wrong for me. It was only when I realised a simple truth that my entire concept of relationships changed.

Practitioners of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) have a rule that states: The meaning of your communication is the response that you get.

That means the response you elicit from a person depends entirely on how you communicate your ideas to them. If you communicate in a way that gets you the response you desired, you were successful. If not, you need to learn what was missing in your communication and how to incorporate that the next time you try.

Notice how this rule places the onus of getting a response on YOU, not on the other person.

If you extrapolate this to relationships, you could say, "The kind of person you attract depends on the kind of person you are." Our relationships, and the people we attract into our lives, are just a reflection of who we are, at that point in our lives.

We often talk about men (or women) being "emotionally unavailable" or unwilling to commit to a better relationship. But the kind of people we attract into our lives often tend to be people who mirror our personality or the issues we are dealing with, in some way.

If, deep down, you have a fear of commitment or of "losing your freedom", then you're going to attract a mate with the same issues. If you have no self-love or low self-esteem, you'll end up attracting people with the same problems.

The reason why we see patterns in our lives, why we get into abusive or unfulfilling relationships, is because we've not dealt with the issues that were responsible for creating our own beliefs and personalities.

The Law of Attraction states that like attracts like. If you think positive thoughts, you'll attract good things to you. If you respect people and do good by them, you'll elicit the same response from them.

If you want to attract a person with all the qualities you want in a mate, then you must develop those qualities in yourself.

Want your mate to be more loving, giving and kind? Then become more loving, giving and kind.

Want your mate to be health-conscious? Start taking charge of your own health and fitness.

Want your mate to have a good sense of humour? Take the time and effort to develop your own sense of humour.

Want your mate to be financially secure? Get your own finances in order.

Want your mate to be emotionally available? Commit to sharing more of yourself first.

If you've been attracting the wrong kind of people into your life, take a good look at the person in the mirror. Get to know yourself better. You'll find the answers are all inside you.

If you want a better relationship, you must become a better person. To attract the mate of your dreams, you must become the person you want to attract.